Old Man River

I know to some thirty years old isn't that old but for me, its my whole life. Thirty officially makes me an adult. Ive fought this kicking and screaming. Never in my life have I wanted to be grown up. I still don't. But dammit if this world isn't making me. There are a lot of little things about being an adult that Im still not sure about. Like for one. Do I now call other adults by their name and not with their title. For example my wife's uncle. My wife has always called him Uncle Charlie. Well you see me and her uncle get along very well, but I have never called him anything. Nothing. Ive never called him Charlie, Ive never called him Mr. Charlie, and Ive never called him Uncle Charlie. Simply because I don't know what the hell to call him. The same goes for my Mother in law. My father refers to his mother in law lovingly as 'Mama'. Now dont get me wrong I do love my mother in law, we're just not on that level yet. Also in a more professional setting. Some of my friends are becoming teachers and the kids that I teach Lifeguarding to call them by their teacher name. For example, Chris Barr becomes Mr. Barr. Now Ive attempted to make bombs (literally) with Chris and do other stupid things. I mean I call the man Papa Smurf because one summer at the pool the guy accidentally spilled blue dye on his crotch causing a certain part of his anatomy to turn blue for a day or two. How am I supposed to call this guy Mr. Barr to keep up his professional image when I know all of this. Bologna! Even my old college professors. I have found one of my old professors on FaceBook and through this social website, she and I have developed a new relationship. Not of educator and student but as friends. Once again Ive come to the dilemma of what to call her. While I was a student I called her by her title. Do I still do that??? Thirty is confusing. All I know is that when I turn 40 I'm just making up nick names and calling people that.

Another problem with having to be an adult is all this bull shit about being civil in public. Jesus Christ!!! I mean I have always been quasi-well behaved, but now its expected. That is depressing. I mean yes I am a husband and a father so people expect a certain something out of that. Some people think that when a man gets married then he has calmed down enough for a woman to be around him for the rest of her life. Boy are they wrong. I am still a 13 year old kid. But im getting off track. Im supposed to be in certain social circles, Im supposed to drink certain drinks. I'm supposed to drive certain cars and dress in certain ways. That is the last thing I want. All I wanna do is play video games, go to the movies, read comic books, watch movies, play with swords outside, shoot guns, and oh yeah love my wife and play with my son. Thats it Ive decided just now. Thats what I'm doing. But I guess I gotta add all that grown up stuff too like going to work and paying bills and cutting the grass and washing the dishes and vacuuming. But by God when the word "poop" stops making me laugh just shoot me.

poop