Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Its a Long Story

Last Monday I went to my regular Doctor because my ankle was hurting and I had an infected ingrown toe nail (I know... gross). Anyway, I walked back to my room and had the regular physical. You know, checking temperature, pulse and blood pressure. Well the lady had the sphygmomanometer and checked my blood pressure. She looked at me and asked if I was feeling funny I said no and she checked it again. She told me that she was getting 160/120 and that it had to be the inferior cuff. I thought nothing of it. She left the room for a second and when she returned she said the Doctor wanted me to go to the machine to take my blood pressure. So we walked up front. At this point she asked if I needed a wheel chair. Mind you at this point my ankle and toe are hurting. Nothing else. Any way I walked up front and the machine (T-1000) took my blood pressure getting just about the same results. So once again I walked back to my room. They told me to lie down and she let the little doctor bed/chair hybrid back. She left the room and I changed chairs. Figuring that it was only a suggestion. At this point I notice that they are acting funny so I call my wife to come and sit with me. She drops off Jasper with the grand parents and came up to the Doctor with my daddy in tow. Well back to my story. By this time the nurse lady comes back and fusses at me for not laying down. She gives me a pill to take. So now the doctor comes in and talks to me and tells me she wants me to go the hospital for the night for observation. This means to go to the hospital for the night so that we can prevent you from getting a good night sleep. Well I decided to go by and see my little boy first so we drove home and I also packed a bag.
I get to the hospital and get all poked and prodded all night. I see my doctor and he orders labs and x rays and such. So we do that. The next morning I get brought my breakfast. It was bland. I ate some of it. Well the doctor tells me he wants me to go that day to do a stress test. So Lezlie comes and picks me up. We stop by the house again for me to see my little man and head north to Macon. On the way we stop by and get some lunch from Chic-fil-a. It was great since I had a shitty breakfast and no lunch. I get to the Medical Center in Macon and go for my stress test. Well they ask me when I last ate. I politely informed them that I had a delicious chic-fil-a on the way up here. They were not happy. I came straight out and told them that I was pissed that they were sending me home. They sympathized but I still had to come the next morning. So we go back home. Get up early the next morning and drive back to Macon. I get there and we begin my stress test. Step one sit and wait. Step two IV. Step three inject Nigel with Nuclear medicine. That just sounded cool. Step four go and lay on this machine and let it take pictures of me while I listen to the 'effin black eyed peas and some other lame bands. Step five. Walk (with a still hurting ankle and toe) on a tread mill while some skinny bitch tries to kill me. Step six go back and get more pictures of my heart and listen to crappy music. Step seven remove IV. Well we drove home after that and were told to await results. On the way home I get a call telling me that there is an abnormality on my results. Well no shit remember my ankle and toe hurts. So they want to do a heart cath the next morning.
We wake up at 4:30 to head to Macon the next morning and I go on back. They remove all of my unnecessary body hair, this is a time consuming event. Next some nurse comes and starts talking and being all sweet and junk. Whatever. Well they put in an IV again. They go through all the talking and stuff while I watch TV. There was a really interesting thing on about Jack the Ripper but nurse lady wouldn't shut up so I could watch it. Then they take me back. I talk to the doctor who is about three feet six inches tall (Seriously she had to stand on a stool to do the procedure). Then they give me drugs. WOW. I was awake during the procedure but I felt great. It was fun. I was telling jokes but neither the nurses nor the doctor had any sense of humor. I mean this stuff was good. Anyway. They do the cath and then wheel me back to my room. Then Dr. Shortlady comes in and tells me my heart is great and I have good strong arteries. So go home and just follow up with your regular doctor. That was that. I am now on some blood pressure medicine to keep my BP in check and I'm doing fine. My leg at the site of the incision is still tender and sore but otherwise fine. I would say that I'm alive and kickin' if my damn ankle and toe didn't hurt so damn bad.


  1. This is why I hate to go to the doctor. They don't fix what hurts and then they find a bunch of other stuff to test out, which costs me a bunch of money and then nothing is wrong except what was originally wrong. Funny story well told.

  2. Great story! We were quite worried about you, but we were glad .,jyhy (<--- Ava's contribution) to hear that everything checked out ok. What were my favortie parts of the story you ask? Well I'll give you the top 5.
    1) Dr. Shortlady (hilarious)
    2) The T-1000
    3) "This means to go to the hospital for the night so that we can prevent you from getting a good night sleep."
    4) Walking on the treadmill while some "skinny bitch" tried to kill you.
    5) And last but not least, the most obvious one, that you're ok!

    Honorable mentions: nuclear medicine, removal of unnecessary body hair, nurse lady wouldn't let you watch the Jack the Ripper story.

  3. Thanks Ms. Marcia and Steve. @Ms. Marcia, I just told someone that I was gonna have my heart attack when I got the bill.
    @Steve I like the bullet point comments. They made me laugh. Thanks for reading.